Family Futures

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dvancing

ocial

ntegration

and

ntergenerational

olidarity

put stress on a committed relationship and these difficul-

ties need to be addressed. Alongside these issues is the

equally serious problem that stems from a lack of under-

standing of how to handle the very natural occurrence of

conflict in relationships. Not having the skills to manage

one’s negative emotions can lead to abusive behaviour or

distancing, both of which destroy the hope of secure, stable

belonging and attachment. Understanding and accepting

how different another’s perception is from yours can make

negotiating conflicts possible. Where do we learn how to

deal with the conflicts in relationships? It is ideally from

watching our parents’ relationship, later asserting our

perspective in negotiations with our parents and siblings,

and then in our own committed relationships as adults –

hopefully we learn.

Although many families deviate from the ideal, this is

not evidence of the family’s lack of importance. On the

contrary, it is within the family that the solutions may be

found. If we give up on the family, we ignore the basic

human need for stability, belonging and attachment that

every person possesses. If we remain too busy doing our

jobs and building our careers to pay much attention to the

family, society will pay the price.

We become ‘most human’ in our relationships with other

people, and it is in relationships that we reach the highest

human capacity to love and thus learn to refrain from treat-

ing others inhumanely. At the core of the injustices that we

commit against others is a basic lack of love and security.

Could it be that the human heart will always be aching for

the haven of the family? It is only when we take the family

seriously as the unique resource of love, guidance, principles,

compassion and genuine human connection that we may start

to address a root cause of human weakness. Fortunately, we

live in an era where women’s value and unique qualities are

being recognized more than ever before. Thus we are uniquely

positioned to benefit from a society in which men and women

in intimate relationships respect each other as equal human

beings while honouring different capacities, gifts, traits and

needs. The best time to look to the family as the unique

resource it is, is now.

Parents shape the human capital of each community and

nation, negatively or positively. No government programme

or social policy has this ability. Instead the role of govern-

ment is to support parents and afford the family every

protection it needs to raise conscientious citizens. This is

in the best interest of governments, as they will bear the

burden of poor parenting.

Good parenting is subject to a myriad of differing

opinions, but in general, parents who have established

a relationship of mutual respect, compassion, honest

communication and shared virtues with their children

are far more likely to maintain a positive relationship

through all phases of life. Solidly connected grandparents

can contribute their experience, wisdom and support for

their adult children’s parenting of the next generation.

Confronted with economic challenges, many parents rely

on their own parents to provide childcare so that they may

go to work. For the most part, grandparents who share a

healthy bond with their children become a natural source

of love, stability, values and care for the third generation if

living in close proximity. Although there is quality child-

care available, often it is least available to the poor and the

care can lack the same sense of responsibility that a loving

grandparent can provide. Also, when the three generations

are well connected, they may combine resources in living

together, or the grandparents may try to give financial

support for the young or struggling family, decreasing the

stress of raising a family.

In the same way, in a mutually respectful, caring parent-

child relationship, the adult children become willing and

loving caregivers for their ageing parents. With the popu-

lation decline in developed nations, many economies are

faced with fewer young workers providing the tax base for

the large number of ageing adults leaving the workforce.

In addition, many ask whether there will be enough people

to provide care for the elderly as this trend increases.

Strong intergenerational relations help each member of the family to develop

into a responsible, caring human being

Grandparents who share a healthy bond with their children can become a

natural source of love, stability, values and care for the third generation

Image: www.careforlife.org